Jasmin (jasminhd) wrote,

Winter break is finally here!


I had my last final today, so it is officially Winter break! I am free for the next 3 weeks! =)
These past two months have been eventful, in good and bad ways.

About a week after my last post, I got my first job! I now work as a cashier at this Japanese fast food place called Mitaki. I don't necessarily enjoy it, but hey money is money right?

School is a bitch. I can honestly say that I hate college. I wish I had gone to a community college first and then transferred to a 4-year university. =\ I actually enjoy my Korean class, but my Humanities Core classes are killllllling me. I almost failed my HC midterm, and I really believe that I failed my HC final today. I did study, but nothing sticks in my head! Once the test is in front of me, I just blank out. I swear I knew everything on the test, but I couldn't get it out. I hope I pass though. I don't know what I'll do if I don't pass.

My Korean class on the other hand... 나는 한국어를 배우고 좋아해요!!! (I love learning Korean!!!) 나는 제 교실을 좋아해요! (I love my class!) I made a lot of friends in class, and its just a lot of fun. =)

The past two weeks have been really emotionally stressful. My grandma died on November 23rd in the hospital. I was in the room when it happened. She had been suffering so much, so my dad and uncle decided to cut the life support. Even now I still can't believe that she's gone. The funeral and burial was last Wednesday, I saw her coffin be buried and I still can't believe she's gone. She lived with me my entire life, and I shared a room with her for the first 13 years of my life. In my head, she's just on an extended vacation. I keep thinking that I'll see her sitting in the kitchen, or watching TV in her room, but she's not. I didn't cry when I saw her take her last breath. I was in shock. I shouldn't have seen that. I shouldn't have been there. I didn't cry when my aunt fainted or when my brother got hysterical. I didn't cry at the funeral either. My cousin said that I'm heartless and have no feelings for not crying, but he doesn't know that I did cry. I cried myself to sleep the night she died, and after that as well. I'm not heartless because I don't cry in public. My parents told me to be strong for my siblings and that's why I only cry when I know no one will see me, but I wish so much that I had someone to tell me that everything was going to be alright, someone to let me cry on them, someone to hug me. I regret so many things, but the one thing I regret most of all is not telling my grandma how much I loved her. I just still can't believe that I'll never see her again. I'll never have a chance to play lottery with her again. I'll never be able to watch novelas with her again. I'll never hear her telling me to eat more because I'm too skinny. She'll never give me massages again when my back is sore. She'll never get up in the middle of the night to give me medicine when I'm sick. I'll never wake up early on Sundays again because her television volume is up too high. I'll never see her taking her daily walks again. She'll never bang on my door in the middle of the night to tell me to go to sleep because I have school the next morning. She'll never get to see me get married and have children. She's never coming back, but I wish so much that she was. At least now she's not suffering anymore, and I'm glad for that.

I've been feeling so lonely since school started. The only friends I talk to on a regular basis are Michelle, Hazel, and Anthony. I try to talk to Stephanie, most of the time she doesn't reply back. Things have been going on with her, so I don't know. I got tired of trying to communicate.
Now that winter break is here, Michelle is coming home so I'm excited to see her. We're going to eat lots of Korean BBQ. =) I plan to stuff myself until I can't eat anymore.

I'm so glad this year is almost over. 2009 has been a shitty year. I really really hope 2010 is a lot better. =)

Tags: rl, school

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